Kinky Sex Stories – According to God

Of the Bible’s many failings related to accuracy and consistency, perhaps its treatment of the topic of sex is the most entertaining.  Apparently, the supreme creator of the Universe finds little issue with slavery and the treatment of women as property.  But, the topic of sex (which is most often portrayed as a heinous taboo) shows some clear signs of repression.  Leave it to the team at Cracked.com to discover some examples from their religious studies.  A summary from The 6 Raunchiest, Most Depraved Sex Acts (From the Bible):

#6. Lot Has Drunk, Drunk Sex in a Cave. With His Daughters.

#5. Jacob, Two Sisters, And What the Hell, a Handmaid

#4. God Gives You Tips on How to Hold Your Load

#3. I Thought She Was a Prostitute, But She Was My Daughter-in-Law!

#2. Solomon Gives Boobies 10 Fingers Up

#1. Gods and Girls

If you thought that porn scripts seemed overly contrived, be sure to check out the staring role that dark rooms and veils seem to have on the otherwise good sense of the denizens of Godland. 

OK, so perhaps the team at Cracked.com is not comprised of poets.  Still, they do a good job of exposing what a disturbing number of people consider to the literal word of God.  “The Good Book”, indeed.

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